Is baar watan aane ke baad main ne shehr mein din din bhar ghumna shuru kiya, is liye ke mere paas kuch karne ko nahin tha. Meri ammaan silaai kaṛhai ka kaam karke jo thoṛi bahut raqm paidaa karti theen, wo ham maan beṭon ka peṭ bharne ko kaafi thi, balke mere liye to hamesha umdaa khaana pakta tha. Ammaan jaisa kuch bhi khaati hon, magar mujhe donon waqt khaane ko gosht aur koi meeṭhi cheez zarur milti thi. Subah dudh ke saath kabhi jalebi aur kabhi sheermaal ka naashta kar ke mein ghar se nikal jaata tha aur dupehar tak Shish-Mahal, Husain Abaad, Mufti Guṅj se lekar Thakuraguṅj Chowk, Saadat Guṅj tak ka chakkar lagaa leta tha.
Main ne koi dost nahin banaaya tha, is liye baġair kisi se baat kiye puraani imaaraton ko dekhta, tang galiyon mein ghumta phirta tha. Dupeher ko ghar waapis aata to ammaan ki namaaz ki chauki par mera khaana seeni se dhakaa rakhaa hua milta tha. Main khaana khaata, jhuṭe bartan kunwein ke paas rakh deta, aur isee chauki par kuch der leṭ kar so leta tha. Supeher ko ammaan kaam par se waapis aateen to mere liye kuch na kuch khaane ko zarur laati theen. Kabhi koi nayaa fasli phal, kabhi Akbari Darwaaze ki koi umdaa miṭhaai, aur kabhi baalaai ke paan, jo mujh ko bahut pasand thi. Mujhe bhuk nahin hoti thi, phir bhi un ki muhabbat se di hui cheez thoṛi si kha leta aur phir ghumne nikal jaata tha. Is waqt mein ziyaada ghumta nahin tha, balke Rumi Darwaaze ke burj mein baiṭh kar shehar par shaam utarte, phir raat hote dekhta. Raat hote waqt burj se utar kar baazaaron ka chakkar lagaata hua ghar waapis aajata jahaan ammaan khaana pakaati milteen. Is waqt mujh ko k͟hub garm-a-garm khaana milta. Mere aage wahi gosht chaawal lagta tha, aur ammaan ke aage dahi chapaati aur koi saadi tarkaari ya daal, lekin main zabardasti un ko apne hisse mein se kuch khilaata aur ziyaada raat aane se pehle hi so jaata tha.
Is tarah dekha jaaye to k͟haasi aaraam ki zindagi thi, halaanke hamaare ghar mein aaraam ka saamaan goyaa kuch tha hi nahin. Khaane pakaane ke paanch pichke hue bartan, ek ṭuṭaa hua niwaaṛi palung, ek hilti hui namaaz ki chauki, loṭa, baalṭi, maamuli bistar, ek ghaṛaa, kaṭoraa aur khujhoor ki do chiṭaaiyan, ye hamaari kul bisaat thi. Mere paas pehnne ke kapṛe bhi dhuṅg ke nahin the. Sirf do joṛe the, jo ghisne ke qareeb ho gae the aur ammaan roz nayaa joṛaa banwaane ka iraadaa zaahir karti theen. Rafta-rafta mere kapṛe cheethṛon ki shakl ik͟htiyaar karne lage, jinhein ammaan ki kaarigari ne kisi tarah pehnne ke laayiq rakhe hue the. Unhon ne kabhi mujh se ye nahin kaha ke mujhe bhi kuch kaam karna chaahiye. Meri umr aṭhaais baras ki ho chuki thi lekin mujh ko na apni baṛti hui umar ka ehsaas tha, na us ka k͟hyaal aata tha ke main k͟haasaa taalim-e-yaaftaa hun. Apne ham-umar jawaanon ko dekh kar bhi mein un ki aur apni haalaat ka muqaabla nahin karta tha. Ab sochtaa hun ki wo meri zindagi ka achchaa zamaana tha. Lekin ek din us zamaane ka k͟haatmaa shuru ho gaya.
Raat ho gai thi aur main Rumi Darwaaze se utar kar Gol Darwaaze se hotaa hua chauk mein se guzar raha tha. Beech chauk mein pahaunch kar mujhe mehsus hua ke baazaar mein sannaaṭa hai aur dukaanein sab ki sab band hain. Main soch rahaa tha ke shaayid aaj baazaar band rehne ka din hai aur dil hi dil mein hafte ke dinon ka hisaab lagaa rahaa tha jo mahine ki taareek͟hon ki tarah mujhe kabhi yaad nahin rehte the. Itne mein kahin dur par ek shor sunaai diyaa aur mere qadam tezi se uṭhne lage. Phir kisi aur taraf se bhi shor uṭhaa, aur ab mujhe pata chala ke pure chauk mein mere siwaa ek bhi aadmi nahin hai. Shor kuch aur baṛhaa, aur chowk ki saṛak se idhar udhar phuṭne waali galiyon mein kuch halchal si paida hui.
Kisi ne pukaar kar kisi se kuch kaha, aur mujhe makaanon ke darawaaze band hone ke dhaṛaake sunaai diye, phir raushniyon ke saath ek hujum nazar ayaa jo Akbari darwaaze ke niche se guzar kar meri taraf baṛ rahaa tha. Mujhe apne daahine haath waali chauṛi gali mein bhi shor sunaai diyaa, aur main be soche samjhe baaen haath ki ek tang gali mein ghus gaya. Kuch dur baṛ kar, is gali ke pehlu mein ek aur gali muṛtee dikhaai di. Main is gali mein muṛ gayaa, magar koi pachaas qadam aage baṛ kar gali ahistaa ahistaa ek samt ghumna shuru hui, phir achaanak band ho gai. Is andhi gali mein ziyaada tar makaanon ke pichwaaṛe the. Sirf saamne, jahaan gali k͟hatm hotee thi, ek sadar darawaaza nazar aa rahaa tha. Ye darwaaza thoṛaa khulaa hua tha. Main is ki taraf baṛ rahaa tha ke andar se kisi ne use band kar liya. Main kuch aur aage baṛaa to darawaaze ke dusri taraf kundi lagne ki khaṛ khaṛaahat sunaai di. Mujhe mehsus hua ki dusri taraf jo koi bhi hai, use kundi chaṛhaane mein kaamyaabi nahin ho rahi hai.
Isi waqt gali ke dahaane ki taraf dauṛte hue qadmon ki awaaz ai, aur main ne lapak kar sadar darwaaze ko andar ki taraf dhakela. Dusri jaanib se kamzor si muzaahamat hui. Gali ke dahaane par awaaz ke saath koi cheez chamki aur main ne darwaaze par pure badan ka zor lagaaya. Darwaaza lamha bhar ko ruk kar khul gayaa aur mein is ki chaukhat phaand kar andar chalaa gayaa. Taareek ḍiyoṛi mein mujhe chuṛiyon ki khanak aur halki si k͟hauf-zadaa cheek͟h sunaai di, lekin main ne is par ziyaada dihaan diye baġair jaldi se darwaaza band kar ke, is se apni peeṭh lagaa di. Ek haath ko baṛi diqqat se peeche ghumaa kar main ne kundi ṭaṭolee aur chaṛha di. ḍiyoṛi mein ab k͟haamoshi thi.
“Yahaan kaun hai?” main ne pucha.
Koi jawaab nahin mila. Main kuch der wahin ruka rahaa. Makaan ke andar k͟haamoshi thi. Main ḍiyoṛi ke andruni darwaaze ki taraf baṛha. Darwaaze ke saamne ek dehleez utar kar parde ki diwaar thi. K͟hud ko diwaar ki aaṛ mein rakh kar main sehin mein utra. Mera pair ṭin ki kisi cheez se takraya aur wo cheez halki awaaz ke saath ek taraf luṛak gai. Mujhe qareeb hi murġhiyon ki kaṛ kaṛaahat sunaai di aur main ne ehtiyaat ke saath diwaar ke dusri taraf jhaank kar dekha. Sab kuch dhundla dhundla tha. Saamne ek daalaan nazar aa rahaa tha jiske beech waale dar mein maddham roshni ki laalṭain laṭak rahi thi. Main ne pair se ṭaṭol kar tin ki cheez ko halki si thokar maari. Is ki awaaz ke jawaab mein phir murġiyon ki kaṛkaṛaahat sunaai di. Ab main zara itminaan ke saath beech sehan mein agayaa. Halki roshni mein makaan ka naqshaa meri samajh mein ṭheek se nahin aaya, lekin itna andaaza hota tha ke sehan ke teen taraf daalaan hain. Upar ki manzil nahin hai aur ḍiyoṛi se muttasil baawarchi-k͟haana, ġusl-k͟haana, murġee-k͟haana waghaira hain. Daalaanon ke peeche koṭhriyaan theen aur sab baahir se band maalum hoti theen.
Ab mujhe us ki fikr hui jo ḍiyoṛi ke andar se darwaaza band karna chaahti thi. Main ḍiyoṛi mein waapis aaya, kuch der tak andhere mein dekhne ki koshish karta raha. Phir bola:
“Mujh se darne ki koi baat nahin. Main k͟hud dara hua hun.”
Kuch jawaab nahin mila. Ab main phir sehan mein utra. Dar mein lohe ki ankṛe daar chaṛ se laṭakti hui laalṭain utaar kar phir ḍiyoṛi mein aaya. Laalṭain ki chimni qareeb qareeb siyah ho rahi thi, phir bhi taareek ḍiyoṛi ke liye us ki roshni kaafi thi. ḍiyoṛi k͟haali thi, lekin is ke ek kone se muttasil ek neecha sa darwaaza nazar aaraha tha jo aadha khula hua tha. Main ne laalṭain waala haath darwaaze ke andar kiya, phir sar andar daal kar idhar udhar dekha. Choṭi si koṭhri thi jis mein darwaazon ke gale hue paṭ, palangon ke pae aur paṭiyaan, ek masahri ka dhaanchaa aur is par mailee niwaaṛ ke uljhe hue lachche aur isee tarah ka dusraa saamaan bharaa hua tha. Main laalṭain ko ghumaa ghumaa kar koṭhri ka jaayzaa le rahaa tha ke niwaaṛ ke ek baṛe se lachche mein mujhe halki si jumbish nazar ai aur main koṭhri mein daak͟hil ho gaya. Ek aurat us lachche ke peeche chupne ki koshish kar rahi thi.
“Baahar aain” main ne kahaa, “mujh se dare mat.”
Wo k͟haamosh rahi.
“Main jaan ke dar se yahaan chala aaya tha” main ne kaha, “main k͟hud daraa hua hun lekin agar aap ko mujh se dar lag rahaa hai to jaata hun”
Wo phir bhi kuch nahin boli, aur achaanak mujhe ehsaas hua ke main wahaan hun jahaan mujh ko nahin hona chaahiye tha. Main ne kaha: ‘‘Baahar log chaaqu churiyaan liye ghum rahe hain. K͟hair, dekha jaaega”
Is ke baad mein koṭhri se baahar aagyaa. Sadar darwaaze ki kundi bahut kasi hui thi. Laalṭain zameen par rakh kar mein donon haathon se use khol ne ki koshish kar raha tha ke apni pusht par mujhe kuch hiddat si mahsus hui aur main ne palaṭ kar dekha. Zameen par rakhi hui laalṭain upar uthaai. Isi waqt mujhe us ki awaaz sunaai di.
“Aap yahaan kyun ae hain?”
“Gali mein yahi ek darawaazaa tha” main ne kaha. ‘‘Lekin ab jaa rahaa hun.”
“Baahar kya ho gayaa hai?’
“Maalum nahin. Shaayad koi jhagṛaa hua hai.”
Wo der tak k͟haamosh rahi aur mujhe phir ehasaas hua ke main wahaan hun jahaan mujh ko nahin hona chaahiye tha. Main ne ek haath se kundi kholne ki naakaam koshish ki. Mujhe ye soch kar hairat hui ke kuch der pehle main ne pusht par haath ghumaa kar use aasaani se chaṛha diyaa tha. Itne mein us ne pucha:
‘‘Baahar k͟hatraa to nahin hai?”
“k͟hatraa?” main ne kaha, ‘‘kuch nahin, siwaa is ke ki jab baahar niklun gaa, to zibah kar diya jaaunga”
“To abhi nahi jahiye’’
Us ne kaha aur laalṭain mere haath se le li. Isi waqt baahar gali mein daba daba sa shor aur bhaari cheezon ke girne ki awaazein sunai din.
“Andar aa jaaye’’ us ne kaha.
Main is ke peeche peeche sehan mein utraa. Laalṭain us ne beech waale dar mein laṭkaa di. Ab us ka chehra qadre saaf nazar aa rahaa tha. Ek nigaah mein wo mujh ko barson ki bimaar maalum hui. Lekin mein use thik se dekh nahin saka. Wo der tak mujh se munh phere k͟haamoshi ke saath laalṭain ko dekhti rahi. Phir isi tarah munh phere phere daalaan ki taraf ishaara kar ke boli: ‘‘Baithiye, aapne abhi khaana bhi nahin khaaya hoga.” Mujhe waaqi bahut bhuk lag rahi thi lekin main ne kahaa: “nahin bhuk nahin hai.”
“Hum kuch laate hain.” us ne kaha, “aap baiṭhiye.”
Main ne use ḍiyoṛi ki taraf jaate dekha. Kuch der tak bartanon ki khaṛ khaṛaahat sunaai deti rahi aur main daalaan mein ek choṭi chauki par baiṭha laalṭain ki kaali chimni ko dekhtaa rahaa. Phir main ne dekha ke wo ek gol seeni uthaae hue roshni ki taraf aa rahi hai. Daalaan mein aa kar us ne seeni chaukee par rakh di aur boli: “Is waqt yahi hai.” Main ne seeni ki taraf dekha. Is mein do teen bartan the, lekin ye nazar nahin aata tha ke bartanon mein kiyaa hai.
“Aap ne k͟haam k͟haa takleef ki” main ne kahaa, ‘‘mujhe koi k͟haas bhuk nahin thi.”
“Aap shuru keejiye” wo boli, “ham paani laa rahe hain.”
Main ne use sehan ki taraf muṛte dekhaa lekin usee waqt laalṭain halki awaaz ke saath bhaṛakne lagi, wo laalṭain ke bilkul niche thi. Us ne sar uthaa kar laalṭain ko dekha, phir mujh ko, aur ab wo pehle ki tarah daree hui maalum hone lagi.
“Aap ko yahaan nahin aana chaahiye tha” us ne ghutti ghutti awaaz mein kahaa. Is ke saath hi laalṭain aak͟hri baar bhaṛkee aur bujh gai. Ghup andhere mein mujhe chuṛiyon ki khanak aur kapṛon ki sarsaraahaaṭ sunaai di. Phir daalaan mein meri pusht par koi darwaaza khulaa aur dhaṛaake ke saath band ho gayaa. Ab makaan mein sannaaṭa tha, albattaa kahin bahut dur par shor ho rahaa tha.
Main isee andhere mein uth kar andaaze se ḍiyoṛi ki taraf chala. Parde ki deewaar ka mujh ko k͟hayaal nahin rahaa tha, is liye main ne pehli ṭakkar isee se khaai. Sanbhalne ki koshish mein ek baar phir tin ki wo cheez meri ṭhokar mein ai aur kuch dur tak luṛakti chalee gai. Murġee k͟haane mein kisee murġ ne zor se par phaṭ phaṭaa kar baang di aur main ḍiyoṛi mein daak͟hil ho gayaa. Sadar darawaaze ki kasi hui kundi main ne ek jhaṭke mein khol li aur baahar nikal ayaa.
Chand qadam chal kar mujhe k͟hyaal aaya ke sadar darwaaze ka aise waqt mein khula rahnaa ṭhik nahin hai, lekin use andar se band kar ke baahar aajaana mere bas ki baat nahin thi, is liye use yunhi choṛ kar main band gali se baahir aagaya.